Dear friend who wants to die

Photo by Joseph Gruenthal on Unsplash

Dear friend who wants to die,

I see you.

Drawing of “The Agony of Shame and the Hope of Ending it”, by author — David Jurasek

You wish you were somewhere else, in a different skin…

Your worst judge and executioner is sitting on a throne inside your head…

“The Game of Approval” by David Jurasek at www.inspiredplayback.com

You feel like a fraud, because in some ways you have been…

Drawing titled “The Boy in Man’s Clothing” by David Jurasek

I’ve faced the same abyss…

These painful thoughts and emotions are neither your fault, nor your creation…

You try to push the pain away… But it’s not working any more!

There is a Dragon you must slay within you that is eating your soul…

You have deep regrets which actually makes sense…

You are paralyzed to act because you’ve set yourself up to fail…

“Inaction will cause a man to sink into the slough of despond and vanish without a trace.”

~ Farley Mowat

It does seem easier to end it, right?

For each death by suicide, between 7 and 10 survivors are profoundly affected. Today in Canada, suicide will leave up to 100 people in state of bereavement.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

— Winston Churchill

You are only half way through your story…

Screw hope. There is a path. Millions of men and women have taken it.

There are many things you can do right now to start your long climb out of hell…

  1. Have a cold shower — your nervous system was become unhealthy out of habit. This is one reset button that is waiting for you nearby.
  2. Go for a walk in nature — there is beauty there, and fresh air and a world that does not believe nor obey any of the bullshit rules in your head.
  3. Exercise more — only to give yourself some more good chemicals to balance out the toxic ones that take time to leave your system. Running helped me step out of deep depression, if only for a few minutes before my mind grabbed hold to suck me back down. Any movement is a good start.
  4. Call me or a friend — especially when the spiral of darkness comes for you and you feel like reaching for an escape. When I pushed away all of my friends, I called helplines. They did work as advertised!
  5. Join an addiction anonymous group — yeah and remember use your sword of truth to cut down that dragon with his I am better than that or I got this under control bullshit.
  6. Join a men’s group — I don’t mean men’s rights groups (many seem to want to wallow in pain and reaction). I mean a men’s group that actually empowers you. I recommend The Mankind Project (MKP), which was part of the circle of care that saved my life years ago. Check out one of their open groups near you.
  7. Get a Life coach or therapist — this is their craft and what they can deliver on, if you dare to see what is possible and come willing to really look at yourself honestly.
  8. Start a new hobby — something you always wanted to do. Not to prove anything or become good at it. It will be humbling and awkward and you will suck at it at first. Perfect. That is where you need to be. Stick with it long enough to see progress. That is what the future holds for you, first struggle and embarrassment and then gradually more pride and success. There is no magic bullet. You know better than wishing for that still, right?
  9. Go on meds — I know. I declined doing so when I went through hell. It was no brave act. More pride on my part. Seeing what I have seen since, I know it would have helped me recover sooner. Our brains under prolonged depression stop working as they are meant to. They skew everything though a glass darkly. Meds — for a limited time — can rebalance your brain and nervous system so you can see more clearly and make more sober and balanced decisions.
  10. Learn to Self-Sooth — this little life skill will serve you as a life jacket and a super power. There are lots of ways to learn to do this. Some of them are just ways to escape your emotions (“spiritual bypassing”). But some work wonders, healing war vets of trauma in a short time, like EFT (Emotional Freedom techniques) a.k.a., Tapping which really helped me dissolve shame and panic when my nerves were frayed. Reach out to me if you are curious about more options to learn self-soothing and I will also post more resources here over time.
  11. Help someone else who is weaker and more vulnerable that you — there are millions of people (kids and seniors and homeless at least) who are in positions of need. Get off your high horse of snobbery or out of your hole of self-absorbtion for a few minutes and help them. It did me a world of good.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before beginning to improve the world.”

~ Anne Frank

I love you. I respect your free will. And if you choose it, I will do my best to help you to create a life worth living.

Drawing of “The Man who was broken putting the pieces together anew amidst community” — by David Jurasek

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David Jurasek

David Jurasek

Imperfect man wrestling with the paradox of being powerful and loving. Find me and our dojo at: www.powerfulandloving.com