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The 5 Types of Men in a Relationship
Which one are you…?
If I were to ask you, “Hey man, how are you showing up in your intimate relationship?”
Would you know how to answer? And would your partner agree with how you see yourself?
Many of my closest, most articulate and self-aware male friends fumble around with this question. As did I, until I started to see clear patterns (which this article aspires to highlight).
Knowing ourselves — who we are and how we show up in our most intimate spaces — is a most vital question to answer. Sure, relationships are a two way street and a co-creation. Even so, when we find the most awesome partner, we have the power to either passively sabotage or actively take lead to help create the most passionate, intimate and satisfying bond.
Blind spots abound! Intimate relationships can be all encompassing. When things are going well, we enjoy the euphoria and simply hope it lasts. When things are devolving, we wonder what happened, narrowing our focus on the negative: how bad we feel, what we’re missing and who’s to blame. Because of the close proximity and the constant immersion, it’s very hard to see clearly what is really going on.
Understanding this bias, a few years ago, when the negativity reached it’s crazy zenith in my own marriage, I started looking for ways to get to a more objective and accurate perspective. Wanting to own my shit, I started to note where my attention went most often and how I actually behaved in my marriage. Doing so was like a splash of cold water to my face.
It revealed to me a pattern which showed me to be a very different man than the one I was intending to be.
Wondering if I was the only man struggling in this way, I started talking to a lot of other men who were in relationships. A set of patterns emerged, revealing in stark contrast, the four most common ways as men we tend to show up in our relationships. And, when I looked further, searching for men who were in deeply fulfilling long term relationships, I saw a much more rare fifth type of man, who embodied the way I wished to become more in my marriage.
