Sorting Out The Sh*t In Intimate Relationships ~ What’s Your’s and What’s Mine?

David Jurasek
6 min readSep 2, 2022

And What It Really Takes For Men To Form Impeccable Boundaries and Strong Bonds

Pic courtesy of Shoeib Abolhassani on Unsplash

“I can’t believe it!

We had another epic and Stupid fight! …”

Exasperated arms thrown in the air and dropped in despair,

“And, the part that really blew my lid was when she said I was being so…”

Naming a nasty label (selfish, insensitive, invalidating, uncaring).

“And I thought she was being so…”

Another harsh judgment (unfair, judgmental, a victim).

I’ve heard this retelling hundreds of times from men, and from couples.

And also heard it coming from my own mouth.

Pic courtesy of Patricia Marcoccia — of author and wife

And inevitably, when the dust clears, we attempt to reckon with the damage. If we are decent people, we try to clean up our part of it.

And yet, unless we crossed an obvious line, we are left dumbfounded, scratching our heads wondering…

“Ok, what part of this is their sh*t?

And what part is mine?”

This place of wanting to take responsibility and yet sincerely being lost in a fog, confused I have also been.

So, what can we do about it?

There are some trite sayings and incomplete or even harmful answers on the internet about resolving conflicts, not taking projection seriously and boundaries.

Here’s the boilerplate:

Re: Handling INTENSE CONFLICTS…

Just ignore them. If that is not possible, walk away. If that ruined your previous marriage, take my communications course for X thousands of dollars and in under 8 weeks, your problems are solved.

Re: PROJECTING negative…

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David Jurasek

Imperfect man wrestling with the paradox of being powerful and loving. Find me and our dojo at: www.powerfulandloving.com